I Am Back

OMG2 ! Lama gila x update . *gedik gila* Anyways . Hey-yo . Whaddup ? It's been a while hasn't it . There isn't much to tell . Tangan saja gatai nak menulis  . Hahaha . I know no one of much reads what I write . But it is a way of me , expressing myself . 

^_^

I've been having not that much of an awesome holiday . This Monday dah nak buka sekolah dah . So it's going to be school, homework, study and sleep every 5 days in a week . Boring? Not at all . But I do need to get used to it . It is going to be the routine of my life for the next one and a half year . Owh yeah . I forgot to mention . I'm doing form 6 in SMK Penanti . Which I think is a good school . I'm having so much fun at this school . I've made new friends . I get to stick with my best friend . I'm lovin' it . 

I wanna wish my best friend , my twin , my dongsaeng , Irsarani Binti Abdullah a very2 good luck . I wish you all the greatness in the world . I love you . And don't forget to remember me . 

It has been a while..

It has almost been two weeks that i have became free . but till today , i haven't actually have MY day yet . so far , i've been staying home , cleaning up , babysitting , cook , do the laundry . those are my activity for now . i made this list of mine . a list of things to do after my SPM . um . like , my laptop all to me , internet , tv , watching those stupid sad cry-able korean dramas , finish up all the bunch of novels i bought before , paint my room all over , stay out all day , cinemas . you know ? all those waste-able activity that a teenager does . but instead i'll be waking up early everyday , and not have the day to me . for all i care know , i just wish school never ended . at least i had things to do . things for me . honestly , i just miss my friends . so much . and i miss him .

p/s : feeling pathetic and miserable for now .

Don't Wanna Say Good Bye..

It never actually hit me till the graduation day . that this would end soon . in just another 3 weeks or so . I've lived for 17 years . been a teenager for 5 . been in this school for 1 . I've been trying to put myself back in high school . just to see if i would be feeling the way i feel now . depressed , miserable , pathetic , joy-less , comfortless , cheerless , heartsick . no . i wouldn't be feeling like this if i was there . my one year at this school has covered up my horrible 5 years of being a teenager . in that one year , i got to know a few people who has changed my life for the best . in that one year , I've changed for the best . and it's gonna be hard saying good bye . i don't wanna say good bye . bcause that just means i have to start over . because that means i'll be loosing my dongsaeng , my cute handsome fake husband , my ra , my alin , my pah . and i don't want that . i really don't . i'd rather give any other years of my life that i have just to get this one year back . i'll do anything for that .

Alone lonely loner..

I'm feeling outcast in my own house . I'm feeling like a stranger in my house . I'm feeling isolated in my own house . I can't even breathe in my own house . I forgot what is it like to be a really family .

I'm afraid , worried . tears keep running down for no reason . every time I'm home, i wish i wasn't . every time I'm home , i lock myself in the room . I'm scared to be out there . but it's a fear being inside here . it's like a nightmare which will never end . I feel alone . I am alone .

what am I supposed to do ? it's like I'm living in someone else life . it's like I don't know my family anymore . I don't even know who am I anymore . I feel like I'm not a part of this family . what changed ? what happened ? just make the tears stop . I'm tired . I can't be here . I don't wanna be here . it's hard .

WTF stare of mine..

there's this look i give to people when i think their just embarrassing themselves or acting stupid or being an idiot or anything that annoys me la . i'm not trying to be mean la . but seriously . come on !!

recently i was hanging out with a couple of friends . funny story actually . um . she kept talking about how she really liked the song , "Tell Me" which was a song by Diddy . then she also mentioned how much she likes the song "I'll Be Missing You" by Puff Daddy . the funny thing was when she said , "they're both different people but they seriously look alike" . and i was like , 'WTF' . Dude ! maybe its because it is the same person . but she was pretty much sure they were different people . what else could i've done . hm .

FYI : Sean Combs / Puff Daddy / P. Diddy / Diddy are the same person . okay ?

another thing that really2 really annoys me is people eating pizza with fork and knife . seriously dude . its like a snack . not some kind of dinner you'll be having with you parents in law . but what really annoyed me just now , was when a group of girls in a restaurant eating 'burgers' with forks and knife . oh my god ! its so annoying . why are there even girls like this ? why are you guys acting so innocent ? ayu habis la tuh kononnye .

p/s : this is what you get when you run your big mouth bout me .

Can people change or not ?

" People don't change . Only their costumes do . " - Gene Moore

" Things do not change , we change . " - Henry David Thoreau

" Our only security is our ability to change . " - John Lilly

" People don't resist change . They resist being changed . " - Peter M Senge

" They always say time changes things , but you actually have to change them yourself . " - Andy Warhol

Well , what do you think ? can we change ? can we make difference in our lives ? can it make any difference to the world ? if it can , would it even matter ? is it worth the change ? these are the questions that are hanging in my thoughts . people are tend to change for the best but there's a lot of things that are holding us back . when this happens . what do we do ? nothing . absolutely nothing . we rather remain in a big empty air bubble than make changes . to me , change is sort of like a psychological impact to the human mind . it is fearful because it means things could probably become worse . what we should notice is that , nothing in the whole wide world is permanent . we're being foolish to think anything would stay the way things are . so ask me again if people could change because now i know my answer .

Movie Characters

There is always one movie or drama that you watch and automatically you fall in love with the character in it . an example ? i could give you dozens typical ones that every is going crazy about .

1st : Edward Cullen (Twilight)

2nd : Jacob Black (Twilight)

3rd : Stefan Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries)

4th : Damon Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries)

5th : Nate Archibald (Gossip Girl)

6th : Landon Carter

i've watched so many movies in my past 17 years . and finally i've found one character that i am totally in love with . like really in love with . *jeng jeng jeng*

He's the hero in the newer version of Rapunzel , which is 'Tangled' . This is Eugene "Flynn Rider" Fitzherbert . hehe . sukanye . one of my favourite movie .